Page dah berhantu??

"yg menghuni page aku skrg"

hurmm..lama sbnrnye diri sendiri nk menjengah ke laman blog sendiri ni. Terikat dgn tugasan hakiki yakni bekerja, melayan karenah staf, tu x termasuk anak-anak buah lagi...
sampai ada teman msg kat FB n bertanya 'ko punye blog tu mmg saje nk buat kasi berhantu ..motif ko buat dl??" aku pn x tau nk jwb apa....
so, aku pun jengah la kat page aku sendiri n merasakan mmg sepatutnye aku mengupdate sesuatu agar xla nampak aku desperate sgt buat blog ni dl (eventho mmg aku desperate gile time tuh,bosan tahap legion n plus time tu arwah mak br passed away n dis is d way how am express my feelings)..
so, anybody yg ada any suggestion or ideas of wut i shud put in my new entry, pls dont hesitate to comment...

Kalau mak dah xdek...

Orang kata aku lahir dari perut mak..
(bukan org kata...memang betul)

Bila dahaga, yang susukan aku....mak
Bila lapar, yang suapkan aku....mak
Bila keseorangan, yang sentiasa di sampingku.. ..mak
Kata mak, perkataan pertama yang aku sebut....Mak
Bila bangun tidur, aku cari....mak
Bila nangis, orang pertama yang datang ....mak
Bila nak bermanja, aku dekati....mak
Bila nak bergesel, aku duduk sebelah....mak
Bila sedih, yang boleh memujukku hanya....mak
Bila nakal, yang memarahi aku....mak
Bila merajuk, yang memujukku cuma....mak
Bila melakukan kesalahan, yang paling cepat marah....mak
Bila takut, yang tenangkan aku....mak
Bila nak peluk, yang aku suka peluk....mak
Aku selalu teringatkan ....mak
Bila sedih, aku mesti talipon....mak
Bila seronok, orang pertama aku nak beritahu.... .mak
Bila bengang.. aku suka luah pada..mak
Bila takut, aku selalu panggil... "mmaaakkkk! "
Bila sakit, orang paling risau adalah....mak
Bila nak exam, orang paling sibuk juga....mak
Bila buat hal, yang marah aku dulu....mak
Bila ada masalah, yang paling risau.... mak
Yang masih peluk dan cium aku sampai hari ni.. mak
Yang selalu masak makanan kegemaranku. ...mak
kalau balik ke kampung, yang selalu bekalkan ulam & lauk pauk.....mak
Yang selalu simpan dan kemaskan barang-barang aku....mak
Yang selalu berleter kat aku...mak
Yang selalu puji aku....mak
Yang selalu nasihat aku....mak
Bila nak kahwin..Orang pertama aku tunjuk dan rujuk.....mak

Aku ada pasangan hidup sendiri....

Bila seronok, aku cari....pasanganku
Bila sedih, aku cari....mak

Bila berjaya, aku ceritakan pada....pasanganku
Bila gagal, aku ceritakan pada....mak

Bila bahagia, aku peluk erat....pasanganku
Bila berduka, aku peluk erat....emakku

Bila nak bercuti, aku bawa....pasanganku
Bila sibuk, aku hantar anak ke rumah....mak

Bila sambut valentine.. Aku bagi hadiah pada pasanganku
Bila sambut hari ibu...aku cuma dapat ucapkan “Selamat Hari Ibu”

Selalu.. aku ingat pasanganku
Selalu.. mak ingat kat aku

Bila-bila... aku akan talipon pasanganku
Entah bila... aku nak talipon mak

Selalu...aku belikan hadiah untuk pasanganku
Entah bila... aku nak belikan hadiah untuk emak

Renungkan:
"Kalau kau sudah habis belajar dan berkerja... bolehkah kau kirim wang untuk mak?
mak bukan nak banyak... lima puluh ringgit sebulan pun cukuplah".
Berderai air mata jika kita mendengarnya. .......

Tapi kalau mak sudah tiada....... ...
MAKKKKK...RINDU MAK.... RINDU SANGAT....

No Caption

Hurmm .. its been quite some time since I wrote something as bizarre as this or just something to write so to speak. And again as before the dire states of my mind, my life, my sole and my being have led me to start tap tapping on the keyboard. As I write my being is ..frail not like the half-dead, miserable and swollen eyes kinda frail dramatized in the movies and what not, I’m talking about my soul..revaged by my internal struggle to tame myself, to become in peace with everyone on this planet and its way of life basically to discipline myself ah heres where this tragedy starts..

It's like has taken me all my life to try to discipline myself , wait a weeks maybe not..but that’s another debate for now I want to tell you ..how I miss her..

Let me tell you a bit about myself, I'm a person who doesn't get along with people much, I don’t make friends a lot i guess but the few I have I don’t let go no matter what.. I like being in my room for hours by myself nowadays not because I detest anyone just that I rather be alone. My mind my feelings for now they are of great importance to me and so I think shouldn’t be shared with anyone who will not understand them... I’ve never felt lost like this before,not this kind of lost, there have been flings but they don’t count for anything. Having this kind of lost was not another step in my life which i agree anyone would rather to have, but as always just a normal event that eventually became a significant step, thing is I do not like is grieving, I grow to accept them and thus in this confusing state I entered my average life...

Moving on....(as everyone said to me "come on pejo, move on,move on...")

But the thing is...I just wish it was different...wish it was so,so different...different i meant the way i think of her...in my heart I felt likes she was there...Stood somewhere and watching over me... These days I’ve came so close to calling her, sending a simple text message perhaps, a few words, just say ‘hi mak',"assalamualaikum mak!" I don’t care if it would be replies or not, just say something to her phone is like i would feel- knowing she will read it and think about me in which ever manner hate or sympathy or pity or or love ( I dare not say what you guys think) and that bond that is forever lost will flicker for a fraction of a second before dieing again...I dare not do so for I fear it will only hurt us more (or some of you guys would call me insane!)...

Essentially a loner..am i?

Again and again...

I think about it every day
Wondering what happens when we die
If we stay on earth with our loved ones,
Or if we just sit next to them and cry
It is a curious question that I ask myself
Will I ever see her?
Will I ever get to hold her hand?
Are things just going to pick up where they
Left off,
Or is it just going to be the end
Do we go into a world of our own making?
Where things aren’t as they seem,
Or do we go with our families,
And start all over again
It is a question that can’t be answered,
And only can be thought of
Is their life after death?
Do the answers lie above?
There are so many questions
In so many ways
Which road do I take?
And can she hear me when I pray
Can she really be a star?
That glistens in the night
Or is that just a myth
To make you feel alright
I don’t understand
How to communicate
I have tried in so many ways
But I just can’t wait
I want to talk to her and see her
So badly that it hurts
I want to hug and kiss her
So my heart will no longer hurt
But I have to let her go
Until the time comes
Figure out what’s next
As my body goes numb
Numb with the feelings
Of being left in this world
Wondering where my mom went
Why she left me here in the cold
I miss her so much
And all of those who died
All my friends and family
It just makes me want to hide
Hide away in the darkness
All by myself
And rock myself to sleep
And dream of something else
Dream of all the good things
That goes on in my life
Dream of all the bad things
That happened to my life
But I guess there is a reason
For all of this, I think
Maybe it is better
That there is a missing link
I will put all of this to rest
And stop wondering why
Just think about today
And the people I still have
Tell them how much I love them
Each and every day
And stop wondering about tomorrow
And what happens when we die
Because we all have a destiny
And only God knows why

If We Could Have You Back...

If we could have you back for just one day
There would be so many things we would like to say
If we could just be with you for one whole day
To have you close and know that you really are Okay.

If we had known that you would be gone forever
If we had known all those ties were going to be severed
If we had known the pain, the loss, and the ache
If we had known the difference without you would make.

In the darkness you slipped away from us all,
Now it's just your memories that we have to recall,
They say that parting is such sweet sorrow,
But it's the longing, the wondering, and how to cope with tomorrow.

They say that grieving a mum is the very worst
Cause life's plan is that the parents should go first.

Now all we have are memories, the good times that we had,
We spend so much time in tears, and pain and feeling sad,
So if we could have you back for just one day,
You could let us know, how to cope until that judgement day,
When we'll be together as a family once again,
When we'll all be happy and free from all this pain.

Oh ! it's so hard to live when your loved one has to die,
Then we spend our lifetime trying to say Goodbye!

Until Death Do Us Apart?

All right, I admit this title is a little heavy, but I did write it for a simple reason. I wanted to shake you awake. Is the the work you are doing at the moment making you happy? Whether you are employed in a secure job, working from home or running a corporate business empire it doesn’t matter. What matters is how you feel about what you do.
It’s a bit like being married, I guess. If the thought of waking up beside your wife or husband leaves you horrified, then it’s time for a divorce. What do you believe?
Sure, we can hang on for the sake of our kids, for the money, the perks but what happens when we wake up one day realizing we lost most of our “active years” to accepting less than acceptable terms?
Fact is, we spent about a fifth of our life at work, therefore dreading to go there would be a crime.
If we take an average of 40 years (350400 hours) to be our working life, with a 40 hour week (83200 hours) we actually work away some 23 percent of our life. This figure doesn’t factor in holidays since most of us actually work for longer than 40 years anyway, so it will balance out again. For many people this figure is actually way higher than this.
The so called modernized nations have become slaves to the system, working for bigger mortgages, more technology toys and a lot less fun than our ancestors had.
Do you really want to waste away 1/5 of your life by following the unhappy path? If not, then this is your wake up call!
I’m deadly serious (here we are again). Most people waste their lives away. Just look around you. How many friends, fellow workers, family members can you see complaining every day. They see nothing but the negatives and their main activities for the day is discussing their job or their neighbor.
Gossip is for poor minded people.
I like to share a quote with you, a quote I read many years ago. This has stayed with me for some 6 years now. It was actually this very quote or saying that changed my life for the better. Unfortunately, I can’t remember who quoted this, therefore please forgive my ignorance.
“Poor minds discuss others.
Average minds discuss events.
Great minds discuss ideas.”
I’m sure you are not average. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be a reader of this blog. Readers who stop by here want more from their lives. They are truly fed up with the mediocrities of life and want to find ways to aspire to better things.
You don’t have to accept the common road. The road others have traveled before and will continue to do so in the future.
It all starts with our habit to put things off. This is the worst inhibitor of people’s success.
Instead of complaining why not get active. Now! Not yesterday, not in 10 years, not when the kids finish college, not when you have saved enough to actually do it but without delay.
I challenge you to do it.
Does it always work? Of course not! However, I tell you what it does. By engaging a positive and proactive mind set, we activate our creative genius. This genius is responsible for finding alternative ways to aid us reach a target much faster than if we merely left things as they are.
If you hate your job, get out. If you hate your boss, find a new job or quit. If you can’t stand your life, change it.
You know, I personally wasted about 5 years of my life hating my job with such a passion it made me depressive and very cranky. The irony here is in reality, I’m a very happy and fun person to be around. Therefore, why did I waste all these years you might wonder.
I found many excuses as to why I couldn’t just quit my job. I basically lived in denial. Even so, if I’m totally honest with myself, I could have done this pretty much instantly. This is why I am so taken by my good friend approach to putting his mouth where his heart is. After experiencing some major upsets at his workplace, he finally pulled the plug and quit his job. What his, myself and many others have done is to ultimately follow our passion. Neither of us knew whether it would work out. Some still don’t know this. Nevertheless, I can bet my life on it that he is deliriously happy now. He followed his dream.
Are you willing to follow your dream, come hail or sunshine?
I’m sure most of you are aware that dreams do come with some burden. You could struggel with your discipline, fail your business or even become un-enchanted with it after some time.
Ultimately, regardless of your dreams you have to act now. Life is too short to miss out on all the fun. Every minute you wish for something to happen, your clock is ticking away, never to be in the same moment again. Just think about it...

Tiada ibu lain...just one and the only one..

last celebrate birthday of her...28th September 2007

last year pic...

also last year pic..

August 2008

August 2008

and the last memory with her...raya 2008...

16hb Oktober 2008 bersamaan 16 Syawal 1429H...perginya bonda tercinta ke hadrat Ilahi...

it is true dat cancer was a silent and number 1 killer..it really does.. nobody knows actually, how she got it..or mayb, she herself doesn't want anyone to know bout it....sigh

w/bgmanapn,pasrah is wat i can do for now... tiada sesiapa dpt melawan takdir Tuhan...

ajal,maut,jodoh semua di tanganNya..everybody i met, kept saying dat to me..yaaa,i know...

but sumtimes wut makes me sad is...memories with her... bkn org tau pn...

btw, semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas Allahyarhamah Fatimah Awang, bonda tercinta yg amat dirindui.... :(